Ahahahhahaha!
overheard on this mornings Maury (on in the background while I make the bed and get breakfast ready...oh come one, don't hate!)
"he went to Denny's with another woman ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! That's cheating!!!" so I started this morning with a great laugh:D! What better way to start the day, right?:)!
ok, then have another: "I don't make babies with ears that huge!" LMFAO!!!
So, we have like a month to go! My little Aaron is almost here. It's been a bumpy ride and I'm happy it's almost over but on the other hand I know this means nothing will ever be the same again.
Truth be told, it hasn't been the same for me since I found out I'm pregnant. Since then whatever I needed to do my first thought was how will this affect our baby? Going into the city, walking through traffic, having tuna for lunch, watching a horror movie, going for walk, drinking tea, working out, etcetcetc....the smallest thing became something to fret over. And now that it's almost over and I can practically FEEL him in my arms - it feels so surreal...a little man, growing inside me.
Someone, a living and breathing body ready to be born. Someone I give life to and will look after. It's all so exciting and frightening. I know now that I will never stop fretting over my little guy. I know, he'll be 1 and then 10 and then 30 seemingly from one day to another and I'll still feel like he's my new little baby, helpless without his momma. I'll try to be strong and accepting of time passing - and sometimes it will work but most times I'll try to hold onto his being a kid for just a while longer.
Just last week we saw him on the ultrasound; bouncing around in me. His big eyes blinking and looking straight at us and chewing on his little hand for comfort. I just lay there in aw, watching my own little miracle.
He's ready to breath on his own. He'll have his own voice and opinions about things from day 1.
I want to keep him with me always but the day is almost here when we take that first big step and he'll come into my arms. I'm excited and frightened and can't wait to meet my little man!
Sep 15, 2010
Jul 25, 2010
Depressing and exciting summer
Depressing:
-spending most of my days indoors 'cause I can't take the heat (since my body is now 2-4 degrees warmer than average)
-this frackin' pain in my neck that's been bothering me since last year.
-my back is now officially killing me
-right out of the blue I've grown cankles in the past month
-my migraines have grown longer and stronger since I've been pregnant and they are more frequent than before
-I hate my fat body! it's going to take forever to lose the weight AGAIN.
-only 86 more days to go!
Exciting:
-I asked for a nice and naughty kid and looks like I'm going to get it - he jumps around more than he sleeps.
-i can work out again (ever so moderately) now that the doc said everything's fine
-we have working A/C so I'm not overheating too bad...
-it's interesting to see myself pregnant with my belly sticking out, knowing a little man is in there
-i can still work for a few more weeks
-it's almost fall and hopefully milder weather!
-only 86 more days to go!
-spending most of my days indoors 'cause I can't take the heat (since my body is now 2-4 degrees warmer than average)
-this frackin' pain in my neck that's been bothering me since last year.
-my back is now officially killing me
-right out of the blue I've grown cankles in the past month
-my migraines have grown longer and stronger since I've been pregnant and they are more frequent than before
-I hate my fat body! it's going to take forever to lose the weight AGAIN.
-only 86 more days to go!
Exciting:
-I asked for a nice and naughty kid and looks like I'm going to get it - he jumps around more than he sleeps.
-i can work out again (ever so moderately) now that the doc said everything's fine
-we have working A/C so I'm not overheating too bad...
-it's interesting to see myself pregnant with my belly sticking out, knowing a little man is in there
-i can still work for a few more weeks
-it's almost fall and hopefully milder weather!
-only 86 more days to go!
Apr 29, 2010
thinking of friendships
Friendships come and go. Some friends stay with you for years while others are just a flash in the pan (however i may hate that expression).
The part I hate about some friendships the most is when it turns out your years-long friend, if they could, would sell your friendship for what its worth and run with the money. Damn, backstabbers just make my blood boil. The worst part is I'm so upset and frustrated that its already past 1am and I can't sleep. Sad, cause they don't deserve my anger or any thought of them:(!
The part I hate about some friendships the most is when it turns out your years-long friend, if they could, would sell your friendship for what its worth and run with the money. Damn, backstabbers just make my blood boil. The worst part is I'm so upset and frustrated that its already past 1am and I can't sleep. Sad, cause they don't deserve my anger or any thought of them:(!
Jan 24, 2010
a new year already
So, I haven't been good at keeping up with writing and posting new stuff. I haven't been good at keeping up with anything much in the past few months, really, let alone writing...
And now the time/date stamp on this post will show up as 2010 and already we're almost done with a whole month of the new year and still, my creativity and motivation feels like it's in a deep trace that it can't snap out of. There are good days and better days and sometimes just downright rotten days.
I have so much to be thankful for, I realized that these past few weeks. It's already been a year (yesterday, to be exact) that I've been legally married. I'm working on starting a company with my best friend. I have work, what little that may be, that I can count on. I have great friends and a new family.
I know there are things that I want that will eventually happen - or they won't and I know if they won't then after fuming over it for a while I'll just accept the fact that there are things in life that I just can't have. or don't need.
These past few years have been quite the ride. I could say it's just me, searching for myself. But I look around and see that everyone is always searching for something.
I look for myself in places and things i take pictures of. I look for some sliver of familiarity between this city and my own. I look for friends in places i shouldn't. Human nature makes a part of me look for new adventure and connections instead of being content with the happiness i truly have. I look for memories and question my brother, does he remember the same about us growing up? For some reason his answer is always no, he doesn't remember what I do.
But yet again, he looks for his past - the past that I remember and have let go of, or maybe just shut out: our mother. He sits there hours on end, going from one search engine to the next and tries, with the help of old addresses and phone numbers to find the first thing in life that connects him and our sister and me and Lord knows how many other kids in the world. Our mother.
I was 5 when she left us. And 14 when she came back into our life. A lot of my memories of her are a blur, a lot i have willingly forgotten and a lot comes back to me randomly.
She always was and always will be there in some way, even so chose not to. I wish i could block all that out and say it doesn't affect me. I wish I could block more out about the people who have stayed in my life and are in it right now. I don't know what's on my mind right now, how i got to thinking of all this. It's probably the movie we watched 2 nights ago, it's probably still with me in one way or another (which makes it a great movie, right?) Oh yeah, it's the movie The Affliction with Nick Nolte if anyone's interested.
Anyhow, here's to a hopefully great year!
Happy New Year everyone, even though my wishes come much belated!
And now the time/date stamp on this post will show up as 2010 and already we're almost done with a whole month of the new year and still, my creativity and motivation feels like it's in a deep trace that it can't snap out of. There are good days and better days and sometimes just downright rotten days.
I have so much to be thankful for, I realized that these past few weeks. It's already been a year (yesterday, to be exact) that I've been legally married. I'm working on starting a company with my best friend. I have work, what little that may be, that I can count on. I have great friends and a new family.
I know there are things that I want that will eventually happen - or they won't and I know if they won't then after fuming over it for a while I'll just accept the fact that there are things in life that I just can't have. or don't need.
These past few years have been quite the ride. I could say it's just me, searching for myself. But I look around and see that everyone is always searching for something.
I look for myself in places and things i take pictures of. I look for some sliver of familiarity between this city and my own. I look for friends in places i shouldn't. Human nature makes a part of me look for new adventure and connections instead of being content with the happiness i truly have. I look for memories and question my brother, does he remember the same about us growing up? For some reason his answer is always no, he doesn't remember what I do.
But yet again, he looks for his past - the past that I remember and have let go of, or maybe just shut out: our mother. He sits there hours on end, going from one search engine to the next and tries, with the help of old addresses and phone numbers to find the first thing in life that connects him and our sister and me and Lord knows how many other kids in the world. Our mother.
I was 5 when she left us. And 14 when she came back into our life. A lot of my memories of her are a blur, a lot i have willingly forgotten and a lot comes back to me randomly.
She always was and always will be there in some way, even so chose not to. I wish i could block all that out and say it doesn't affect me. I wish I could block more out about the people who have stayed in my life and are in it right now. I don't know what's on my mind right now, how i got to thinking of all this. It's probably the movie we watched 2 nights ago, it's probably still with me in one way or another (which makes it a great movie, right?) Oh yeah, it's the movie The Affliction with Nick Nolte if anyone's interested.
Anyhow, here's to a hopefully great year!
Happy New Year everyone, even though my wishes come much belated!
Nov 12, 2009
:S - is the most appropriate way I feel right now
It's been a weird 2 months since I've had the operation (appendectomy). Had I an office job I could have gone back to work the week after the op but because I need to lift/pull/push in my everyday tasks at work I had to stay home longer than anyone could've thought when I went into the emergency room.
I planned on doing so many things during all this free time - almost none of it accomplished. I feel like such a lazy bum.
All the weight gain hasn't helped my situation, it just further depresses. But from next monday I can get back into the flow of things. I just dread how hard it will be again. My body has turned to mush in the past few weeks. I have absolutely no muscle strength - last night I couldn't hold about 15 lbs above my head for over 30 seconds before my arms started giving out.
I feel like a failure inside and out. The news of no baby for me, yet again, and possibly a baby on the way for Kate is not helping. I just don't want to deal with anything or anyone anymore.
Anyway, time for some hot cocoa and sleep.
I planned on doing so many things during all this free time - almost none of it accomplished. I feel like such a lazy bum.
All the weight gain hasn't helped my situation, it just further depresses. But from next monday I can get back into the flow of things. I just dread how hard it will be again. My body has turned to mush in the past few weeks. I have absolutely no muscle strength - last night I couldn't hold about 15 lbs above my head for over 30 seconds before my arms started giving out.
I feel like a failure inside and out. The news of no baby for me, yet again, and possibly a baby on the way for Kate is not helping. I just don't want to deal with anything or anyone anymore.
Anyway, time for some hot cocoa and sleep.
Sep 25, 2009
cool autumn mornings
I love waking to the cool mornings of the coming Fall, curling up under the cover like my cats. Slowly letting my mind and body wake but trying to hold on to good dreams of last night.
It is strange how time passes and people change.
It is strange how time passes and people change.
Sep 5, 2009
So not looking forward to tomorrow
Damn, i wish I had said "no" to the invitation to tomorrow's picnic/bbq. But at the time I said yes I was just thinking of doing some good photography at one of my fav places and a little hiking and some alone time on the trails.
Now I just found out there are going to be way more people there than expected and also that there will be a few that I don't particularly like. But oh well, what can I really do, other than suck it up.
So me disappearing for an hour or two's worth of pic opportunity and me thinking time will elicit the usual stares/eyerolling and smirks. Well, ya' know what??! Effing EFF THEM!
If they don't like my goofball ways then they can just stick it!! No pie for them!
I need to get myself and get back to all that's planned: doing things for my own enjoyment and not for putting up face and making others happy.
Now I just found out there are going to be way more people there than expected and also that there will be a few that I don't particularly like. But oh well, what can I really do, other than suck it up.
So me disappearing for an hour or two's worth of pic opportunity and me thinking time will elicit the usual stares/eyerolling and smirks. Well, ya' know what??! Effing EFF THEM!
If they don't like my goofball ways then they can just stick it!! No pie for them!
I need to get myself and get back to all that's planned: doing things for my own enjoyment and not for putting up face and making others happy.
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